Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
