The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
