She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
