Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
