Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
