God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
