all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
