so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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