Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
