ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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