How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
