im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im holly from the hills drunk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
