I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
