I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
