oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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