she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
