I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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