After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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