Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I touched a dick in church today
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
