its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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