google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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