Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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