you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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