Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
