if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
