just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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