I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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