Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
