You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
