And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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