i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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