remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
