so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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