so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
