We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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