My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
