i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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