I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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