Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
