Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
