It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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