turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
