Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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