i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
