just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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