I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize