I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just tell him i said nine months
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.