You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again