thus making me awesome and them whores
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.