Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.