I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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