thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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