i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
