Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

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  (905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae
  Replies (126) Good night (23588) Bad night (1955)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.

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  (410): To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows. http://tfl.nu/3dnj
  Replies (10) Good night (5763) Bad night (901)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long

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  (717): dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long http://tfl.nu/r5ag
  Replies (31) Good night (7351) Bad night (986)
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  (714): View more from California

  Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

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  (714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1
  Replies (21) Good night (7684) Bad night (1361)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table

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  (732): Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table http://tfl.nu/oexb
  Replies (40) Good night (7155) Bad night (1993)
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  (585): View more from New York

  She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.

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  (585): She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings. http://tfl.nu/pz3m
  Replies (44) Good night (6942) Bad night (1854)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.

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  (315): Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end. http://tfl.nu/1db0
  Replies (21) Good night (1876) Bad night (4352)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.

  (1-507): View more from Minnesota

  We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.

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  (507): I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies. (1-507): We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA. http://tfl.nu/9erc
  Replies (21) Good night (2546) Bad night (1025)
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  (518): View more from New York

  we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well

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  (518): we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well http://tfl.nu/pd1v
  Replies (5) Good night (1444) Bad night (621)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.

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  (720): I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom. http://tfl.nu/lin9
  Replies (4) Good night (578) Bad night (1772)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house

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  (503): Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house http://tfl.nu/makx
  Replies (5) Good night (983) Bad night (485)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.

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  (605): I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment. http://tfl.nu/w9a2
  Replies (8) Good night (1295) Bad night (809)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.

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  (808): Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned. http://tfl.nu/vl4n
  Replies (3) Good night (538) Bad night (438)
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  (408): View more from California

  If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical

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  (408): If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical http://tfl.nu/decu
  Replies (0) Good night (631) Bad night (363)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.

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  (513): I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won. http://tfl.nu/0ymb
  Replies (0) Good night (309) Bad night (159)

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