i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.