Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.