This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
