good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
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She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.