You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
