so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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