I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
