I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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