"it" just moved
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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