Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
