is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
