Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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