friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
