girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
