i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
