Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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