people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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