Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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