speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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