Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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