he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
